Lol. Just because you said that I shall rise to the challenge and attempt to respond in a neutral manner.
First off, I'm assuming you're talking about
https://www.windsofchaos.com/?page_id=19 That is, the thing you've changed is that you've basically added more results and categorized them according to damage. You're not sliced open if the enemy uses a club, and so on. (That is: Have I missed anything? Your documents doesn't have any "designer notes". I see you have fifteen crits per table, but I'm guessing that's just to have more painful ways to die. Did you change the "curve", the lethality? If so, how and why, assuming that's something you're looking to replicate now?)
First order of business is that the 4E crit tables, when viewed through actual play experience, feel very overwrought. They attempt to do two two completely separate things. And they are very fiddly, very very fiddly indeed. (Yes, it's another case of where each individual change or addition is quite understandable viewed in isolation, only that the multitude of all these changes taken together makes it hugely complicated and even works against each other) The end summary is that they completely lost sight of what crits do and what makes them fun to use.
The crit tables are 1) used to spice up ongoing combat through essentially random effects and 2) as combat enders that cripple your opponent, allowing the winner to move on.
Problems:
a) the "spice" effects take lots of time to resolve - it's the full critical experience. This is (at least somewhat) justified when it comes to the combat enders, precisely because they end combats. That is, they happen once or twice (at least, they're supposed to - see b) per enemy. Using the crit tables for spice effects means the table look-up and the conditions modifiers game (etc etc) explode, significantly rolling back any time gains from other aspects of the game.
b) most crits aren't particularly deadly, I'm afraid. Mostly they just add clutter and admin. Sure, you have -10 to this and -20 to that, but unless you feel you can give up and live, you will fight on to the bitter end. It's only the results above 80 or so that feel like the crits of old. If you roll lower, all the other changes like advantage and how careers work and circumstancial bonuses mean that if you're a capable fighter, you aren't stopped at all from just a crit or three. (The rule that you must track the number of crits is there for a reason. Page 173. That reason is not a good thing) I realize they considered v1 crits too deadly, but this is a good example why you need to be a half-competent designer before you change things.
c) the "but why?" effect, twice over. Why have such detailed rules for this if your armor negates the results? I've promised Orin to not focus on this issue, but the feeling is "first they create all these rules and then they don't use them... but why?" Then, we have...
d) after using the crit tables for a short while, our group went "but why?". It turns out all these effects and details hardly matter at all, simply because you become unconscious when you are out of Wounds and have a Bleeding condition. This instantly pulls the rug out from all the various descriptions and conditions and whatnot. In the majority of cases, you can simply ignore all of that and boil down crits to:
Either it bleeds, and you have won; or it doesn't, and the fight rages on.
Since you can gain bleeding from the "spice results" as well, in not too few cases, all that mattered was to shave off the monster's Wounds, and then it would automatically fall unconscious. (The rules stipulate you become unconscious if you have 0 Wounds, and one or more Bleeding conditions. Page 168).
In other words, yes, the criticism against "the criticals result in way too much die rolling, and way too much admin" can be tempered with "yes, but all of that is hardly ever used". If you want to look at the game with rose-tinted glasses, sure, that's a big positive. Myself, I'm instead going "but why?"
In the next post, I will detail the completely changed crits system we have used, in order to not just "froth and vert" and instead act like an constructive grown-up
